Creating your ‘Tribal Community’

May 8, 2009
Tribal Community

Have you ever sat in a room full of “Aunts”, “Uncles,” and “Cousins” as the roar of thunderous applause deafens your ears? Have you ever been moved to tears as you watched someone else’s child do something amazing, spectacular and so difficult that you knew it was in them, but didn’t know how long they were going take to find it? Have you ever watched those same “nieces” and “nephews” as they embraced a new “family member” and brought them fully into the fold within minutes leaving you to wonder how you could have thought you were complete without them?

All of these things occurred in our Commonwealth School yesterday. This community that we have formed is truly a blessing to each and every one of us that finds ourselves within its circle. We have created a type of a family. We have created a tribe.

If anyone had a question about the need for community, yesterday’s events would have provided the answer. We had a brand new family move into our area. They had contacted us before, and we were excitedly waiting for them. The two scholars of the family joined the scholar project classes even though it was the last day of the year. I don’t think they were disappointed. The other scholars treated them as if they were long lost family members. I am so proud of, and grateful for, these youth. I am grateful to be associated with them. I am proud that they have such big hearts. When I watched them all together later that day, it seemed to me that they were best friends already. I was told that they were extremely happy that they had come. And each of us are definitely glad to have them with us.

Yesterday evening we held the culminating event for our Unleashing Your Voice! Class. It was a speech contest that the families, friends and neighbors were invited to attend. The format the mentors decided on was simple and powerful, the young and tender were first on the agenda, then a break to enjoy refreshments before feasting on the offerings of the older more experienced “cousins.” After everyone took their turn we held an award ceremony.

I watched a particular young woman get up in front of a large room full of people, to give the speech she had prepared, but I knew she wasn’t sure she could give. I was moved to tears as I listened. I was so full of joy and I was so proud of her that by the time she was done I wanted to whisk her up from off that stage and carry her around on my shoulders!! She wasn’t so sure about her performance, but I know that she did the impossible. I know she conquered her fear. I know that she risked everything to stand up there and give that speech. I know because I am her “Aunt.” I have mentored her in other classes. I have come to love her and the other students like her. I am personally invested in their growth and development. I see the baby steps that are carrying her and the others forth on the pathway to greatness!!

I can’t tell you how my heart soared when one particular young man got up and started to speak. His small voice surprised me by reaching clear to the back of the room!! His speech was well rehearsed and he looked so smart in his suit and tie! His added actions and the theme that carried through the entire speech were amazing! But I really couldn’t believe that I could hear him from the back of that room. He is such a tiny guy, and I always would have said that he had a voice to match, but not anymore!! Wow! My “nephew” is amazing!

There was another one of those young “nephews” who blew me away. He is a shy young man, with a great smile. I have never seen him get up in public before. Doing the work that it takes to prepare for something like that has always been out of his reach. When he got up there with his ski boots and pants on and carrying his snowboarding helmet, I was pleasantly surprised. But then he started his speech! He did it! He delivered a great speech, informative and well planned out. The work he put into it really paid off. I hope he is as proud of what he did as I am!

Each of the youth showed amazing progress beyond what I expected, but they each improved in their own way, along their own individual path. I had mentored them all just one semester ago. I had seen them do research and watched as they stood in front of the class to present. I know what they were capable just five short months ago; the remarkable change in them just blows me away!

I couldn’t clap hard enough. I wanted each of them to know how proud I felt. Evidently I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. The applause was deafening! Excitement and congratulations abounded. How many “aunts” and “uncles” does it take to help lift a youth along the path of scholarship? I don’t know exactly, but I would have to say that the amount that was in that room last night seemed to be enough. All of the youth took advantage of the fantastic opportunities and mentoring that this particular program offered them. All of them learned skills that will serve them throughout their lives as they serve others. I saw huge improvement in many areas, and it wasn’t only the scholars that were transformed. The mentors’ growth mirrored that of those they guided. They improved their speaking skills, their mentoring skills and their ability to work together.

Specific to our homeschooling communities we create support and culture for ourselves and our families. Many of us learned how to parent from our parents. They taught us to cook, clean, and how to treat children and how to care for a home. But how many of us were homeschooled as children? How many of us learned how to do that when we were growing up?

Most of us learned how to kiss a child goodbye, put a lunch in their hands, and hang a backpack on their shoulders as they were sent off to the bus. We learned how a parent can help a child with homework after school. We learned how a parent is supposed to talk to the teacher when they have concerns. But we did not learn how to homeschool! We did not learn how to follow a child’s special talents while we define a learning plan for them. We did not learn how to use our spiritual eyes to see when we have pushed too far or need to further motivate or change the environment for the child so that he can experience and learn more. In all of this and more, we are blazing the way; we are paving the path for the future generations. And who do we ask for help? Who do we turn to for guidance and mentoring? We create a community and we draw on each other’s strengths. This is how we learn how to homeschool our children. We learn from those around us. We share what we are doing and how. We ask questions, we help find answers. We bind ourselves together in the cause of excellent education for our children. This becomes our tribal community. In this way we provide “Aunts” and “Uncles” and “cousins” for our children. Others that will lift them up, provide specific talents and skills beyond our own, and provide motivation and discussion as they and we change and grow and figure this thing out called LIFE.

This is what community is all about. This is why we come together. We come together to strengthen each other, to lift each other, to learn from one another and to learn from working with others.

Don’t you and your children deserve to be surrounded by “Aunts” and “Uncles” and “cousins” like this?

Brenda Haws